What everyone really wants to know...
How are you doing??? I think this is the question Chris and I have heard the most over the last week. It's been a whole week since Mia's delivery, and during that week we've had a lot of ups- but some downs, too. I feel like, looking back on this, I'll say I was still in that post-partum haze that seems to last for two to three weeks; and maybe I am. But it doesn't mean that I'm not still living and feeling things.
I posted before that I'm a pretty emotional person. Before living the experience, I expected to miss being pregnant a little, and I expected to miss the baby a little. I was fairly certain that handing her over to her dad was going to be more of a joyous occasion than not. I was expecting that coming home to a house with no baby was going to be easy- because Chris and I were never preparing to bring a baby home. How has reality played out compared to my expectations???
Well, there have certainly been some tears, but that is normal. I was talking to a friend of mine- another surrogate who delivered a few months ago just yesterday. I'm finding that I DO miss the pregnancy more than I have in the past. But in the past, I always had the baby to care for- and there just wasn't time to miss feeling those little flips and rolls inside. Every now and then, I find myself stopping to check for movement, or putting my had on my empty belly- before remembering that there's not a baby there any more.
I do miss Mia. And I really sat and thought about that statement yesterday. I miss holding her, and snuggling with her. I'm sad that I'm not going to get to see her in person any more- except for very special occasions. But I don't miss her in our house, if that makes sense. I'm not sad that she's not mine, and not here with us all the time. It's very much like when we go visit our family.... Chris and I have 14 nieces and nephews who all live in close proximity to each other, and we are the only part of the family that lives away. We get to see everyone once or twice a year; and whenever we are on the way home, I get very sad that we don't live closer. I feel like we are missing the opportunity to have a close family bond between our nieces and nephews, and our kids their cousins. Missing Mia, for me, is a lot like that.
The moment when Jason came in to the hospital room, and I was able to hand him his daughter was one of the greatest feelings in my life. Up there with my wedding day, and the births of my own children. Handing Mia over to her father was the whole reason Chris and I embarked on this journey in the first place. This was the goal the entire time. The happiness radiating from Jason as he got to hold his little girl for the first time is something I'll never forget. When I am feeling a little sad for myself, all I have to do is think of their happiness, and I'm reminded of why we did this in the first place.
Sunday, when Jason took Mia home, was the hardest day for both me and Chris. While Mia was Jason's from the beginning, our family still 'grew' her... I treated my pregnancy with Mia exactly the same as I did my pregnancies with our own three. While the feelings weren't the same, there was still a sense of affection and love for this little girl. I don't think Chris or I were prepared to be as fond of her as we were after she was born. And as much as we knew it was coming, it really did feel weird to leave the hospital without that that infant carrier, a new little bundle snuggled inside. We knew we weren't bringing Mia home to our house to be a part of our family, but I think we both would have loved to have had her and Jason in town a little longer.
That being said, Chris and I have voiced to each other over and over how thankful we are that we entered into this journey with Jason. He has welcomed our family into his, and has given us every opportunity to be a part of his life. We were allowed to care for Mia in his absence, and he gave our family the time we needed to dote on her before taking her home. Chris and I are very aware that a lot of surrogacy situations do not go as ours did.... The baby is delivered, handed over, and the surro and her family may never get to see the baby outside of pictures from that point forward. I'm so glad our journey didn't go that way. I'm thankful that Jason is willing to keep our family updated on how he and Mia are doing. Jason and I know that we may not talk as much now as we did before she was born, but we still plan to keep in touch. And we already have a standing invite to Mia's first birthday party... ;)
So I guess reality met my expectations, but times 100. The emotions were more intense than I expected, and a few more of them cropped up than I planned for. But the overwhelming happy that we were a part of making vastly outweighs any sad feelings I've had. And I've been told (by several people) that the sad is normal; so I don't feel bad about having a few of those feelings too.
It's been amazing. And it's so strange that this part of the journey is over. A year ago, when we were just starting out, I remember feeling like a birth was that almost unattainable goal that was so far away..... And here we are. Well, here Mia is. A special little girl who has impacted the lives of our family and her own. I can't wait to see what life has in store for her.
I posted before that I'm a pretty emotional person. Before living the experience, I expected to miss being pregnant a little, and I expected to miss the baby a little. I was fairly certain that handing her over to her dad was going to be more of a joyous occasion than not. I was expecting that coming home to a house with no baby was going to be easy- because Chris and I were never preparing to bring a baby home. How has reality played out compared to my expectations???
Well, there have certainly been some tears, but that is normal. I was talking to a friend of mine- another surrogate who delivered a few months ago just yesterday. I'm finding that I DO miss the pregnancy more than I have in the past. But in the past, I always had the baby to care for- and there just wasn't time to miss feeling those little flips and rolls inside. Every now and then, I find myself stopping to check for movement, or putting my had on my empty belly- before remembering that there's not a baby there any more.
I do miss Mia. And I really sat and thought about that statement yesterday. I miss holding her, and snuggling with her. I'm sad that I'm not going to get to see her in person any more- except for very special occasions. But I don't miss her in our house, if that makes sense. I'm not sad that she's not mine, and not here with us all the time. It's very much like when we go visit our family.... Chris and I have 14 nieces and nephews who all live in close proximity to each other, and we are the only part of the family that lives away. We get to see everyone once or twice a year; and whenever we are on the way home, I get very sad that we don't live closer. I feel like we are missing the opportunity to have a close family bond between our nieces and nephews, and our kids their cousins. Missing Mia, for me, is a lot like that.
The moment when Jason came in to the hospital room, and I was able to hand him his daughter was one of the greatest feelings in my life. Up there with my wedding day, and the births of my own children. Handing Mia over to her father was the whole reason Chris and I embarked on this journey in the first place. This was the goal the entire time. The happiness radiating from Jason as he got to hold his little girl for the first time is something I'll never forget. When I am feeling a little sad for myself, all I have to do is think of their happiness, and I'm reminded of why we did this in the first place.
Sunday, when Jason took Mia home, was the hardest day for both me and Chris. While Mia was Jason's from the beginning, our family still 'grew' her... I treated my pregnancy with Mia exactly the same as I did my pregnancies with our own three. While the feelings weren't the same, there was still a sense of affection and love for this little girl. I don't think Chris or I were prepared to be as fond of her as we were after she was born. And as much as we knew it was coming, it really did feel weird to leave the hospital without that that infant carrier, a new little bundle snuggled inside. We knew we weren't bringing Mia home to our house to be a part of our family, but I think we both would have loved to have had her and Jason in town a little longer.
That being said, Chris and I have voiced to each other over and over how thankful we are that we entered into this journey with Jason. He has welcomed our family into his, and has given us every opportunity to be a part of his life. We were allowed to care for Mia in his absence, and he gave our family the time we needed to dote on her before taking her home. Chris and I are very aware that a lot of surrogacy situations do not go as ours did.... The baby is delivered, handed over, and the surro and her family may never get to see the baby outside of pictures from that point forward. I'm so glad our journey didn't go that way. I'm thankful that Jason is willing to keep our family updated on how he and Mia are doing. Jason and I know that we may not talk as much now as we did before she was born, but we still plan to keep in touch. And we already have a standing invite to Mia's first birthday party... ;)
So I guess reality met my expectations, but times 100. The emotions were more intense than I expected, and a few more of them cropped up than I planned for. But the overwhelming happy that we were a part of making vastly outweighs any sad feelings I've had. And I've been told (by several people) that the sad is normal; so I don't feel bad about having a few of those feelings too.
It's been amazing. And it's so strange that this part of the journey is over. A year ago, when we were just starting out, I remember feeling like a birth was that almost unattainable goal that was so far away..... And here we are. Well, here Mia is. A special little girl who has impacted the lives of our family and her own. I can't wait to see what life has in store for her.
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