We all know that old saying, "a watched pot never boils".... Well, last week when I was cruising around the internet, I found one of those funny ecard looking things that said "a watched uterus never bleeds".... Lol. I tried to find it again, so I could repost it here, but it was nowhere to be found.
In any event, I wasn't watching my uterus. We were waiting for my beta to reach zero before doing anything else, right? So why would I worry about what my pesky uterus was doing??? Then to my shock and delight (probably the only time in my life I will say delight....), my body decided to grace me with a period. Without having to take the Pill for 2 weeks first! If my beta was less than 5 on the coming draw, then I wouldn't have to do that first round of birth control at all.... We could count my own period as the next cycle, and I could have my water ultrasound and get the ball rolling again.
Needless to say I was keeping my fingers crossed during the wait to see what my next beta was. The pessimistic side of me was all "Yeah, I bet it's something ridiculous like 6 or 7..... Just enough to be above the cutoff....". But my body had already cycled again... surely it was below a 5. Or maybe even at that coveted, big fat goose egg zero! Well, it wasn't zero when it came back. But it was less than 2. I don't know how much less than 2, but that doesn't really matter. Beta less than 5, and a period! Time to get it going again!!!
Natalie sent us the "best scenario"calendar this week. If everything looks good and falls into place- and if Seth and Johnny are on board to move forward again- we will transfer on or around March 5th. I'm already giving my uterus little pep talks....
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
pregnancy ticker
Friday, January 25, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
We have a new plan
I had my beta drawn again on Monday, to check the progression of the decline. It fell so quickly from over 9000 to just 172 that I was hoping the crazy plunge would continue, and I'd be back at zero after just the two weeks. Nope, not there yet. I was at 15. I know that is super low, but I was still hoping for that zero.
In talking to Johnny and Seth through the day, I had said a couple times that what I needed was "the plan". The gals at the clinic are always happy to tell me what the next step in the process is, but I wanted to know ballpark for when we would be able to transfer again. I thought it would go like this: Beta gets to zero, I have a water ultrasound sometime in the week or so after. When that is clear, then I'll start estradiol valerate again. After 5 doses (two and a half weeks), we would be ready for transfer again. I'm thinking three or four weeks more..... Putting us in February, where I was hoping we would be.
What's that saying about "best laid plans"???? Yep. This is what will actually happen: My beta will get to zero. Then I'll take birth control pills for two weeks; stopping the pill after the two weeks will induce a period. Then, somewhere between day 6-16 of my cycle (I'm sure closer to 16 with our clinic), I'll have the water ultrasound. If all is clear with that, they'll stop the BCP- inducing another "light" period. Then I will start the estradiol valerate, and three weeks later we will be ready for transfer.
We have a new coordinator, named Natalie. We won't be working with Linda this time around, because our clinic uses a different coordinator for fresh cycles versus frozen. It was a little funny that Natalie emailed us The Plan after we had been talking about it through the day. I know it is a good plan. I know it is good to wait a little while. And I keep searching my soul, trying to identify why I am having such a hard time being happy with the wait. So far, I haven't really found the answer. Maybe because several of the surros I was pregnant with last time are pregnant again? Because I feel like a failure for miscarrying, and I want to prove that my body can do it? Because I just love being pregnant and am ready for it again? Because we love Johnny and Seth and I just want this to happen without any bumps in the road for them??? I just don't know.
I'm going to come to terms with the wait. I have to, since the inner workings of my body are basically out of my control. And I can be annoyed with the clinic all I want, but they just want to make sure I am healthy and my uterus is in the best possible place for another transfer. While I wait, I might as well try to drop the rest of my baby weight from Mia's pregnancy. The task will give me something else to focus on- something that IS in my control.
The beginning of this year has been a tough one. But I've got to take the challenges head on, and believe that everything is going settle into place in the end.
In talking to Johnny and Seth through the day, I had said a couple times that what I needed was "the plan". The gals at the clinic are always happy to tell me what the next step in the process is, but I wanted to know ballpark for when we would be able to transfer again. I thought it would go like this: Beta gets to zero, I have a water ultrasound sometime in the week or so after. When that is clear, then I'll start estradiol valerate again. After 5 doses (two and a half weeks), we would be ready for transfer again. I'm thinking three or four weeks more..... Putting us in February, where I was hoping we would be.
What's that saying about "best laid plans"???? Yep. This is what will actually happen: My beta will get to zero. Then I'll take birth control pills for two weeks; stopping the pill after the two weeks will induce a period. Then, somewhere between day 6-16 of my cycle (I'm sure closer to 16 with our clinic), I'll have the water ultrasound. If all is clear with that, they'll stop the BCP- inducing another "light" period. Then I will start the estradiol valerate, and three weeks later we will be ready for transfer.
We have a new coordinator, named Natalie. We won't be working with Linda this time around, because our clinic uses a different coordinator for fresh cycles versus frozen. It was a little funny that Natalie emailed us The Plan after we had been talking about it through the day. I know it is a good plan. I know it is good to wait a little while. And I keep searching my soul, trying to identify why I am having such a hard time being happy with the wait. So far, I haven't really found the answer. Maybe because several of the surros I was pregnant with last time are pregnant again? Because I feel like a failure for miscarrying, and I want to prove that my body can do it? Because I just love being pregnant and am ready for it again? Because we love Johnny and Seth and I just want this to happen without any bumps in the road for them??? I just don't know.
I'm going to come to terms with the wait. I have to, since the inner workings of my body are basically out of my control. And I can be annoyed with the clinic all I want, but they just want to make sure I am healthy and my uterus is in the best possible place for another transfer. While I wait, I might as well try to drop the rest of my baby weight from Mia's pregnancy. The task will give me something else to focus on- something that IS in my control.
The beginning of this year has been a tough one. But I've got to take the challenges head on, and believe that everything is going settle into place in the end.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Watching betas.... again
Huh. Well, I never thought I'd be excited to see my betas going down..... Okay, excited probably isn't the right word. Relieved is more like it.
Following my betas back down to zero is the next step in the process. Like I said in the last post, I looked on some online threads to see how long it "generally" takes. People had answers that varied- anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months. When I asked the NP at the clinic she said basically the same thing. I'm not very good at waiting and not having some sort of idea what I'm in for.
I had an ultrasound Monday morning, and a beta drawn. I feel like I say that a lot.... lol. My ultrasound was just to confirm that there is no more tissue left in there that can cause infection and more bleeding. Everything there was clear and looked good. My beta was 172. Considering that is was over 9,000 on the 26th, I think 172 is a "good" number. It seems that my beta is falling relatively quickly.
When my beta reaches zero, I'll have another water ultrasound. I'm assuming this is just to make sure nothing has popped up in, or happened to my uterus in the course of the pregnancy. Then, we can start to plan for our next transfer.
People who know the story have asked me how I'm feeling. It's weird, but I think I had a harder time before the miscarriage than after. Waiting for it to happen was hard for me, probably more so than I let on. Now that it's over, I feel relieved that it is done. I'm a tad jealous of the pregnant people around me, but just because I was just there and I want to be there again. I'm anxious about the whole IVF process again- hoping there are healthy embryos, and that they will implant. I'm a little anxious about being anxious! And, of course, I'm so sad for Seth and Johnny- this was their first baby after all. I wonder if I shouldn't feel like I want to jump right into another transfer.... But I do want to jump right back in.
So, I found this pic through another surro's blog. You can find it, and others, here:
http://heygirlsurrogacy.tumblr.com
I think they're pretty awesome, though the humor is definitely surro humor....
Following my betas back down to zero is the next step in the process. Like I said in the last post, I looked on some online threads to see how long it "generally" takes. People had answers that varied- anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months. When I asked the NP at the clinic she said basically the same thing. I'm not very good at waiting and not having some sort of idea what I'm in for.
I had an ultrasound Monday morning, and a beta drawn. I feel like I say that a lot.... lol. My ultrasound was just to confirm that there is no more tissue left in there that can cause infection and more bleeding. Everything there was clear and looked good. My beta was 172. Considering that is was over 9,000 on the 26th, I think 172 is a "good" number. It seems that my beta is falling relatively quickly.
When my beta reaches zero, I'll have another water ultrasound. I'm assuming this is just to make sure nothing has popped up in, or happened to my uterus in the course of the pregnancy. Then, we can start to plan for our next transfer.
People who know the story have asked me how I'm feeling. It's weird, but I think I had a harder time before the miscarriage than after. Waiting for it to happen was hard for me, probably more so than I let on. Now that it's over, I feel relieved that it is done. I'm a tad jealous of the pregnant people around me, but just because I was just there and I want to be there again. I'm anxious about the whole IVF process again- hoping there are healthy embryos, and that they will implant. I'm a little anxious about being anxious! And, of course, I'm so sad for Seth and Johnny- this was their first baby after all. I wonder if I shouldn't feel like I want to jump right into another transfer.... But I do want to jump right back in.
So, I found this pic through another surro's blog. You can find it, and others, here:
http://heygirlsurrogacy.tumblr.com
I think they're pretty awesome, though the humor is definitely surro humor....
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Has it really been 9 months???
Miss Mia says it has!!!!
We were able to Face Time with Jason and Mia last week. What a joy to be able to see how much she has grown and how happy she is. I cherish the relationships that we have built with our IFs, both sets. It adds so much happiness to our lives, branches to our family.
I feel like we have experienced a lot of negative in the last month or so- both in our personal lives and in the world. I'm so grateful to have so much that is positive in my life to help me through. I just have to remember that it is there, and remember to hold it close.
Sappy moment coming....
Surrogacy has expanded our family, and has exponentially multiplied the love in our lives. Who wouldn't want to experience that???
We were able to Face Time with Jason and Mia last week. What a joy to be able to see how much she has grown and how happy she is. I cherish the relationships that we have built with our IFs, both sets. It adds so much happiness to our lives, branches to our family.
I feel like we have experienced a lot of negative in the last month or so- both in our personal lives and in the world. I'm so grateful to have so much that is positive in my life to help me through. I just have to remember that it is there, and remember to hold it close.
Sappy moment coming....
Surrogacy has expanded our family, and has exponentially multiplied the love in our lives. Who wouldn't want to experience that???
New year, clean "slate"...
2013
A new year and time for a new beginning. My New Year arrived with a bang, for sure. I couldn't help but reflect on the timing of things. Right before midnight, at the beginning of the new year, I started to bleed. The nurse in me wants to describe what it was like, because it was like nothing I've ever experienced before. The "normal" person in me realizes I probably shouldn't. Suffice to say that it happened, and we can move toward a new beginning.
So, what happens next?
Well, the clinic wants to do an ultrasound to make sure I do indeed have a "clean slate". Then we do more blood work. We need to check my betas, and follow them until they are back to zero. Unfortunately, I have no idea how long that will take. I asked Linda when I emailed her this morning, and she didn't answer that part of my email. I'm hoping just a couple weeks..... Although, I did that thing I say to never do.... I stalked some of the online forums last night looking for how long it took other's betas to fall. Some of the women on there said like 8-14 weeks!!!!! It can't be that long..... But there's nothing to do but wait. Lol. That seems to be our motto.....
Once those darn betas reach zero again, then we can have a conversation about another transfer.
Here's to another new beginning.
A new year and time for a new beginning. My New Year arrived with a bang, for sure. I couldn't help but reflect on the timing of things. Right before midnight, at the beginning of the new year, I started to bleed. The nurse in me wants to describe what it was like, because it was like nothing I've ever experienced before. The "normal" person in me realizes I probably shouldn't. Suffice to say that it happened, and we can move toward a new beginning.
So, what happens next?
Well, the clinic wants to do an ultrasound to make sure I do indeed have a "clean slate". Then we do more blood work. We need to check my betas, and follow them until they are back to zero. Unfortunately, I have no idea how long that will take. I asked Linda when I emailed her this morning, and she didn't answer that part of my email. I'm hoping just a couple weeks..... Although, I did that thing I say to never do.... I stalked some of the online forums last night looking for how long it took other's betas to fall. Some of the women on there said like 8-14 weeks!!!!! It can't be that long..... But there's nothing to do but wait. Lol. That seems to be our motto.....
Once those darn betas reach zero again, then we can have a conversation about another transfer.
Here's to another new beginning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)