Week 9

Well, it's certainly been an interesting week.

After "The Bleed" as we're coming to call it, I've been a nervous wreck. Even though the doctor said that things looked as good as they could look at this point, I still was afraid to move! I spent about 2 days on the couch, trying as hard as I could not do do anything.... But, I had to get back to work and real life at some point.

Over the course of a couple days, I increased my activity level back up to "normal". I still don't do any heavy lifting, and try not to pick up Finn as often as before. But anyone who has a clingy two year old knows that that is really hard. I try to make sure that I am using the best body mechanics (thank you nursing school...) possible to lift him. I can't exercise, or engage in any sort of "vigorous" activity.

I'm a little bummed about the no exercise part. I'm in better shape starting this pregnancy than I was with my last two. I've never exercised through a pregnancy before, and that was one of my goals this time around. But, there's always after the baby is born to get back into the swing of things.

I had a repeat ultrasound yesterday afternoon (a week and a day after the initial scan). The baby is growing right on track, getting bigger every time I see it! This time, there was even a little movement out of the little one. It's always a relief to see that the baby is doing so well.

The bleed is still there, and in fact is bigger than it was last week. My doctor explained to me that it means the bleed is still active. It hasn't moved in my uterus though, which is a good sign, and it hasn't impeded the growth of the baby at all- which is the major thing they look for. The expectation is, that as the pregnancy grows bigger, it will put pressure on the bleed site reducing then ultimately stopping the bleed. The resulting clot may be reabsorbed, or it may not. While the bleed is concerning on one hand, as long as the baby is growing appropriately and consistently, there's really not much to do or worry about.

The longer I go without actively bleeding, the less nervous I feel. Seeing the bleed always makes me worry a bit, because it's pretty easy to not focus on something you can't see. I'll be happy when I get to where I can feel the baby move. I take comfort in my daily bouts of nausea, and the fact that my clothes are getting a little bit tighter- it's all I have right now to assure me that everything is on track.

If THAT never happens again....

It's been a crazy weekend. And not crazy in a good way.

Sunday afternoon I woke up (after working) as usual. Had a good evening with the husband and kids, and life was progressing as normal. Nothing different, no weirdness, nothing strange whatsoever.

That evening, I got ready to put the kids in the tub. And (maybe TMI, but oh well) felt like I had to visit the potty. So I did. And was hit with some awful abdominal cramping and really bad nausea. I'm not a puker (thankfully) even when I'm pregnant. But before I knew it, I was throwing up.

Enter that light headed, sweaty, man I'm going to pass out feeling- along with some pretty intense abdominal cramping. So, I did what I always do in crampy situations; I got in a hot bath. Of course, my two youngest kids were with me in the bathroom the whole time, and my two year old insisted on getting in the tub with me (after imitating me throwing up, I might add...).

Fast forward about an hour. My husband came to the rescue, and my kids were all put to bed. The horrible cramping that I had had eased up a little, and I was laying in bed. Then the worst imaginable thing happened. I started to bleed. I just knew that something was horribly wrong.

Chris called Jason to let him know that something was going on. I just couldn't at that point. I continued to bleed pretty heavily for the next three or so hours, and passed a couple clots. I was miscarrying. I just knew it. I called the on-call doc and she was pretty uninspiring: well, the clinic is closed tomorrow for the holiday, so call on Tuesday morning.....

Monday was hard. I struggled with a sense of failure and disappointment, Chris was at a loss because this had never happened before, and Jason was devastated. Emotionally we were all wrecked. Physically, I was doing okay. Surprisingly, I wasn't really bleeding any more; just some really dark brown bleeding/ spotting. I nursed a vague spark of a hope that miraculously everything would be okay....

This morning I called the office first thing. I talked to the nurse and told her what had happened. We were both pretty sure I had miscarried. She was going to make me an appointment to see my doc next week. I asked if they would do an ultrasound for confirmation. In my heart, I just needed that visual to be 100% sure. And Jason needed it too. She managed to get me an appointment for 1030.

I went by myself (usually the whole fam comes along). Of course things were running late, but finally I was back in the ultrasound room, on the table in the dark. When the picture popped up on the screen, I braced myself, knowing I would see, well.... nothing.

Imagine my open-mouthed, jaw-dropping shock when a little bean- shaped being swimming in a pool of fluid appeared on the screen. And then, when the tech zoomed in, I saw that little fluttery heartbeat. I cried. I was so thankful.

It turns out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It sounds scary, but is something that is fairly common. It can cause anywhere from a small to large amount of bleeding in the first and second trimesters. Usually they resolve on their own, but sometimes they don't. So, I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm on some restrictions that I haven't had before, and I need to lay low and take it easy. My doc says that I may have more bleeding. But we'll do here whatever it takes to maintain the pregnancy.

A wild emotional ride that I never want to take again......