Sunday afternoon I woke up (after working) as usual. Had a good evening with the husband and kids, and life was progressing as normal. Nothing different, no weirdness, nothing strange whatsoever.
That evening, I got ready to put the kids in the tub. And (maybe TMI, but oh well) felt like I had to visit the potty. So I did. And was hit with some awful abdominal cramping and really bad nausea. I'm not a puker (thankfully) even when I'm pregnant. But before I knew it, I was throwing up.
Enter that light headed, sweaty, man I'm going to pass out feeling- along with some pretty intense abdominal cramping. So, I did what I always do in crampy situations; I got in a hot bath. Of course, my two youngest kids were with me in the bathroom the whole time, and my two year old insisted on getting in the tub with me (after imitating me throwing up, I might add...).
Fast forward about an hour. My husband came to the rescue, and my kids were all put to bed. The horrible cramping that I had had eased up a little, and I was laying in bed. Then the worst imaginable thing happened. I started to bleed. I just knew that something was horribly wrong.
Chris called Jason to let him know that something was going on. I just couldn't at that point. I continued to bleed pretty heavily for the next three or so hours, and passed a couple clots. I was miscarrying. I just knew it. I called the on-call doc and she was pretty uninspiring: well, the clinic is closed tomorrow for the holiday, so call on Tuesday morning.....
Monday was hard. I struggled with a sense of failure and disappointment, Chris was at a loss because this had never happened before, and Jason was devastated. Emotionally we were all wrecked. Physically, I was doing okay. Surprisingly, I wasn't really bleeding any more; just some really dark brown bleeding/ spotting. I nursed a vague spark of a hope that miraculously everything would be okay....
This morning I called the office first thing. I talked to the nurse and told her what had happened. We were both pretty sure I had miscarried. She was going to make me an appointment to see my doc next week. I asked if they would do an ultrasound for confirmation. In my heart, I just needed that visual to be 100% sure. And Jason needed it too. She managed to get me an appointment for 1030.
I went by myself (usually the whole fam comes along). Of course things were running late, but finally I was back in the ultrasound room, on the table in the dark. When the picture popped up on the screen, I braced myself, knowing I would see, well.... nothing.
Imagine my open-mouthed, jaw-dropping shock when a little bean- shaped being swimming in a pool of fluid appeared on the screen. And then, when the tech zoomed in, I saw that little fluttery heartbeat. I cried. I was so thankful.
It turns out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. It sounds scary, but is something that is fairly common. It can cause anywhere from a small to large amount of bleeding in the first and second trimesters. Usually they resolve on their own, but sometimes they don't. So, I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm on some restrictions that I haven't had before, and I need to lay low and take it easy. My doc says that I may have more bleeding. But we'll do here whatever it takes to maintain the pregnancy.
A wild emotional ride that I never want to take again......
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