Dreams already???

I have some bizarre dreams.  I always have had, and I imaging I always will.   I dream in color, I dream in sensations like smell and feel, and I tend to dream with a lot of intense emotion.  The intensity and bizarre-ness of my dreams tends to increase when I'm pregnant.  I have some real whoppers. 

I had my first "pregnancy dream" a couple nights ago.  I wasn't expecting it, and was a little taken back by it when I woke up.  When I was pregnant with Mia, I dreamed often about giving birth to our surro-baby.  In those dreams, I was never allowed to see or hold her.  I always chalked that up to my subconscious worries manifesting at night.  I knew "giving up" the baby was going to be emotional, and I think my subconscious was worried that we wouldn't have enough time to say goodbye before she was gone.  Something my waking mind knew I didn't have to worry about, but the subconscious and dreams are funny things......

In my dream a couple nights ago, I was at home after having given birth to Johnny and Seth's baby.  I was excited because they were coming to town, and we were going to get to see them again.  I was also excited, and a little apprehensive because I was going to be seeing the baby for the first time.  I didn't remember anything about the birth of the baby.  I had been discharged from the hospital just hours after delivering, and in that time I had not been allowed to see or hold the baby.  All I knew is that we had been expecting a boy, but didn't know what the baby looked like or how he was doing. 

Then, in the funny way of dreams, my husband was there with pictures of the baby.  And I had heard that there were pictures being posted of the baby on Facebook.  I refused to look at any of the pictures, though, and didn't want to have anything to do with any of it.  I was upset because I hadn't seen the baby in the hospital, and wanted to wait until we were with Seth and Johnny before looking at any of the pictures.  Then Chris tells me that the baby was actually a girl, and that they named her Lila. 

I don't remember much after that...  the dream segued into some weird thing about hotels and elevators not going to floors they were supposed to.  And me trying to get away from something.  Like I said, my dreams are bizarre. 

I just thought it was interesting that I'm already having delivery dreams.  And that my subconscious has chomped onto the whole "not seeing the baby" thing. 

It will be interesting to see what else my crazy mind thinks up!

Lupron

I think one of the hardest parts about preparing for a surrogate pregnancy is the medication regime the clinic places you on.  There are usually 3-5 meds to take on any given day, and often the doses and amounts of each medication will change over time.  I'm always afraid I'm going to miss something or forget something....  Otherwise, it's not too bad.  Right now, most of the medications I'm taking are pills.  I started Lupron a week ago, though, and that has been an experience!

Lupron is one of my injectable medications. It's only a subcutaneous shot, though, so it's not that bad.  A little needle, and only about a 10th of a cc of fluid (so a very small amount).  It goes wherever you can "pinch an inch", usually in the fat of the belly- of which I have plenty!  I've gotten to be a pro at giving them to myself; only once every 4 or 5 times does the poke make me jump, and the medication doesn't really burn.  Now let's talk about the side effects.

According to the sheet the clinic gave me, Lupron is given "to inhibit the release of certain hormones by the pituitary gland, which might interfere with the development of healthy, mature oocytes.  Lupron causes a pseudo-menopause: many of the side effects are menopausal signs and symptoms".  Then it lists te following side effects:
hot flashes
vaginal dryness
decreased sex drive
headaches
depression
weight gain or weight loss
night sweats

Fun, right???  Nowhere on that list does it say anything about mood changes.  Well.  Late last week, I posted on my agency's FB page: "Does the Lupron make anyone else short-tempered, or am I just having a bad week???".  And guess what the girls answered???  You got it!  I got a whole bunch of "nope, it's the Lupron" and "the Lupron made me crazy" and "oh, yeah, I hated that one"......  Hmmmm.  My poor family.  I think I have to be on it for this week plus two more. 

Although, reading the information sheet, I'm not sure why gestational carriers are asked to take this one.  I didn't take it when I was prepping last time.  I assumed it was because we did a frozen embryo transfer then, and we are doing a fresh transfer this time- thinking it is one of those meds they use to sync my cycle with the egg donor's.  After reading though, it seems like it is more for healthy egg development.  We're not harvesting MY eggs......  I'll have to ask my clinic coordinator about it and see what she says. 

Good thing I'm a nurse....

 So, Friday was a pretty important day in my life as a surrogate....  My meds came in the mail!!!
After I had the box open, and everything spread out in front of me, I decided I'm really glad I'm a nurse.  Otherwise, the array of items in front of me would be pretty intimidating.  I took a picture of it all, so you can see what I got in the mail too. 

 I think maybe all the syringes and needles would scare a normal person.  I just look at them and wonder if I'm actually going to use them all???  There are antibiotics there, baby aspirin, and medrol as pills.  The estrogen (estrace) and the Lupron are the two injectables (yep, ALL those syringes and needles for two fairly small vials of meds....).  And then the Crinone in the back is my progesterone supply.  I had such a bad reaction to the injectable progesterone the last time, that my nurse didn't even order it for me this time  The Crinone is a suppository (oh boy!).  Okay, but really better than risking another adverse reaction from the shots.  And it's one less shot a day!  Who can complain about that???

My morning regime looks something like this right now:

That is 10 units of Lupron, a prenatal vitamin, baby aspirin, zithromax (2 of them today only), my birth control pill (only for one more week), and a magnesium supplement that my OB wanted me to take.  I may stop the magnesium when I get closer to our transfer date.  I wasn't taking that the last time I got pregnant, and I don't want to interfere with the good juju in any way shape or form...  These are the morning meds that I will take for the next week.  Then things will change a little as I drop the birth control and add the estrogen (estrace).

The zithromax makes me a little nauseous, but antibiotics tend to do that to me.  I've had a raging headache tonight....  But I don't know if that is from the Lupron, or just me.  I tend to get headaches toward the end of my three night shifts- some weeks worse than others.  I'm not even sure if headaches are a side effect of Lupron.  One of these days, I'll pull out the paperwork and see. 

I feel like things are really getting close when we get to the meds that require syringes and needles.  And really, November 15th isn't that far away....  A month more and Seth and Johnny will make the trip out here!!! 

Oh- our contract is all wrapped up and signed!  Other than the actual transfer, I feel like all the "big" things are taken care of for the time being.  Now my job is to prepare my body and my uterus to welcome one or two happy little embryos, and invite them to stay around for 38 to 39 weeks....  ;)