New journey hesitations....

I told my mom about our match tonight.  It was something that was weighing heavily on my mind, and I'm glad it's finally done.  She worries about me, as all good mothers are wont to do.  I was afraid she would be hesitant, or even against, us undertaking another journey so soon after Mia was born.  I think I felt this way partly because I struggled a bit with the speed of our new match.  I never felt as though I shouldn't be getting pregnant again so soon, though.  I was worried that my support system would think it too soon, and thereby not be as supportive as they were the first time around.  Lucky for me, I'm surrounded by some of the most loving, caring people on earth.  I had nothing to worry about; my mom was surprised at my announcement, but still fully supportive. 

Chris and I have been a lot more quiet about this new beginning.  I feel like it is our little special secret that I want to keep close to my heart- to only share with those who will truly appreciate it.  I felt like the whole world knew about our surrogacy experience last time; and at that time, I thought it was what I wanted.  But through my last journey, I learned who was truly supportive, who was just curious, and who only wanted to gossip about it.  Chris can share our experience with whomever he wants, but this time I choose to keep it close.

I want to share our experiences, our triumphs and our failures with the people who care.  People who love me and Chris, Johnny and Seth, or even those who are simply supportive of our journey.  I honestly don't mind the curiosity.  Ask me questions about what I am doing; I'm happy to explain and do a little teaching along the way.  But I learned last time that, for some people, the truth of the experience doesn't matter- or that they just really can't grasp what is really going on.  I hate the catty remarks behind my back that refer to me as "only doing it for the money"; or hearing that my pregnancy isn't noteworthy because the baby I'm carrying isn't mine.  

I'm not talking about this at work- at least not until it is unavoidable.  I thought I worked in a place of tolerance and understanding, and I have since learned that that isn't exactly the truth. It makes me sad, but it is what it is.  I forget sometimes that we live in a very small-minded area, not to mention a somewhat small-minded world.  Tess from my agency told us just this afternoon that one of her surros lost her job because her boss found out she was a gestational carrier.... 

I love what we are doing, and being a gestational carrier is something that calls to me.  Sharing the success stories of surrogacy and what we have experienced makes me happy.  I want to dispel the negativity around what we surros do; having a gestational carrier is a valid means or reproductive aid.  But I'm not outspoken, I'm not an activist, or a lobbyist, or even a very good public speaker.  I don't enjoy confrontation and I don't like to stir the pot.  I will speak to those who ask me questions and seem to be genuinely curious.  But I think this time around, I'm going to be a little more private about our endeavors. 

And so it begins...

There are a lot of medications that one must take to prepare one's body for a surrogate pregnancy. 

Ha!  What an understatement....
 I started my first meds this week.  We are using an egg donor this time around, so my medication regimen is going to be a bit different.  The clinic needs to sync my cycle with hers; when they trigger her to ovulate, then they fertilize, my little uterus has to be pre-heated and ready to go.  So, first are the birth control pills, so we can always know exactly where I am at in my cycle.  I also started my prenatal vitamins this week.  I have a calendar that tells me exactly what medications I'm going to be taking and when throughout the pre-transfer process.  I won't lie.... I haven't looked at it very closely.

The medications, honestly, are one of the hardest parts of the whole process for me.  I don't mind pills, or suppositories, or even shots; it's just the combination of pills, suppositories, AND shots for weeks- and even months- at a time that is so overwhelming.  I'm always so afraid I'm going to forget something, or run out of something....  And last time I had that awful reaction to the injectable progesterone.  When I'm preparing for a transfer, I have more meds on the counter than my grandparents do!!!  But, it's a trivial discomfort in the end.  I want to be pregnant; I want to carry a baby (or two) for Seth and Johnny.  So, if meds are part of what it takes to get there, then I'll take the meds.  And when I am in month #3 of suppositories, lamenting that I need to buy stock in Always pantyliners, I will remind myself what the meds are all about.  Then I will rejoice when the day finally comes for me to wean to my "normal" pregnancy meds. Just a prenatal vitamin, right???? you ask....  Nope.  For me there is the prenatal, colace, TUMS, prilosec, and sometimes iron.  Lol...

We're still waiting on the first draft of the contract from our lawyers.  Kathleen told the guys it would be at the end of last week.  So I'm expecting sometime this week....  And if not, I'll send her a little email.  I don't want to start sticking needles in my belly and hips until that pesky little thing is signed.  I'm sure Seth & Johnny would like to have it done as well!
 

New beginnings....

Wow...   It's been a crazy few months.  Mia and Jason are at home and so happy together.  It's hard to believe she is 5 months old already!!!  We've been so lucky to keep in tough with them over the last few months, and I'm sure we'll continue to do so.  It brightens my day to see new pictures of her, and to hear that she is thriving, and that they are growing so well together.

Chris and I had pretty much planned on pursuing surrogacy again- even before Mia was born.  Our plan was to wait about a year, then start looking to be matched again.  I wanted to get back to the gym like I was always talking about and get my body back into shape before getting pregnant (a fifth time!!!).  We had kinda hoped that Jason would be thinking of a sibling for Mia about the time we were ready again.

We asked Jason...  all, "I know you have a newborn and aren't sleeping right now, but you wanted to do this again in a year, right???"....  lol....  Okay, not exactly like that, but the conversation did come up.  He said as much as he loves and adores Mia, and as much as he would love a sibling for her, he just can't see himself singly parenting two kiddos.  Definitely fair.  I can't imagine singly parenting one...

At some point later in time, Jason mentioned to me that he was referring a couple that he was acquainted with to our surrogacy agency.  My ears perked up, "oh? Tell me more..."  Phyllis, Jason's mom, has a friend who is family to this particular couple- they have been interested in surrogacy, and decided that it was time to take the plunge.  I told Chris about this, and his ears perked up too.  Hmmmm....  Well, if we can't carry for Jason again, wouldn't it be awesome to carry for someone he knows?

Then I had a little run in with reality.  Mia is just a few months old.  We talked about waiting a year.  Are we really thinking about doing this again so soon?  I can't even try to get pregnant again until 6 months after Mia's delivery.  Are they ready to go now?  Will they want to wait if I have to wait?  Will they even like us????

So Chris and I talked about it.  Not much, I'll admit, but I think we neither felt that there was much to discuss.  We wanted to surro again.  We have a particular group of the population we prefer to carry for- and they don't come through our agency very often (we don't live in a very liberal area).  And best of all, the true decision maker, was that they were acquainted with Jason and his family.  If it all worked out, we could be like one big, happy family! Well, kinda, anyway.  Things in life happen when they are supposed to happen- not when we plan them.  Fate, Karma, the Powers that Be...  they drop things in your lap when you least expect them, and often when you're not looking for them.  What you choose to do with these offerings is up to you.  Chris and I chose to listen to our hearts, and take the opportunity.

I may not lose all my baby weight before I try to get pregnant again, but I've lost 2/3 of it.  I've gotten back to the gym...  Pregnancy-wise, this body of mine is getting a little on the old side (shhhhh...  don't tell anyone I said that), and I want to enjoy another pregnancy the same as the last ones.  And hey, I didn't want to be pregnant at exactly the same time of year again- for the third time!

So, I re-vamped my agency application, told Tess that I wanted my profile to go to Jason's referred couple, and we waited.  Just a short time later, Tess let us know that they were interested.  Then it was that blind date of all blind dates (and part job interview, too)- the Conference Call.....

And a little like magic, here we are- matched again.
Here's to our new beginnings, and another adventure.

This time with Seth and Johnny.