New journey hesitations....

I told my mom about our match tonight.  It was something that was weighing heavily on my mind, and I'm glad it's finally done.  She worries about me, as all good mothers are wont to do.  I was afraid she would be hesitant, or even against, us undertaking another journey so soon after Mia was born.  I think I felt this way partly because I struggled a bit with the speed of our new match.  I never felt as though I shouldn't be getting pregnant again so soon, though.  I was worried that my support system would think it too soon, and thereby not be as supportive as they were the first time around.  Lucky for me, I'm surrounded by some of the most loving, caring people on earth.  I had nothing to worry about; my mom was surprised at my announcement, but still fully supportive. 

Chris and I have been a lot more quiet about this new beginning.  I feel like it is our little special secret that I want to keep close to my heart- to only share with those who will truly appreciate it.  I felt like the whole world knew about our surrogacy experience last time; and at that time, I thought it was what I wanted.  But through my last journey, I learned who was truly supportive, who was just curious, and who only wanted to gossip about it.  Chris can share our experience with whomever he wants, but this time I choose to keep it close.

I want to share our experiences, our triumphs and our failures with the people who care.  People who love me and Chris, Johnny and Seth, or even those who are simply supportive of our journey.  I honestly don't mind the curiosity.  Ask me questions about what I am doing; I'm happy to explain and do a little teaching along the way.  But I learned last time that, for some people, the truth of the experience doesn't matter- or that they just really can't grasp what is really going on.  I hate the catty remarks behind my back that refer to me as "only doing it for the money"; or hearing that my pregnancy isn't noteworthy because the baby I'm carrying isn't mine.  

I'm not talking about this at work- at least not until it is unavoidable.  I thought I worked in a place of tolerance and understanding, and I have since learned that that isn't exactly the truth. It makes me sad, but it is what it is.  I forget sometimes that we live in a very small-minded area, not to mention a somewhat small-minded world.  Tess from my agency told us just this afternoon that one of her surros lost her job because her boss found out she was a gestational carrier.... 

I love what we are doing, and being a gestational carrier is something that calls to me.  Sharing the success stories of surrogacy and what we have experienced makes me happy.  I want to dispel the negativity around what we surros do; having a gestational carrier is a valid means or reproductive aid.  But I'm not outspoken, I'm not an activist, or a lobbyist, or even a very good public speaker.  I don't enjoy confrontation and I don't like to stir the pot.  I will speak to those who ask me questions and seem to be genuinely curious.  But I think this time around, I'm going to be a little more private about our endeavors.