Looking good

I had our 20 day beta draw on Monday morning.  The number came back at 5,036!  :)
Looks like our little Sethbryo is hanging in there and growing right on track.  I'm starting to get anxious for our first ultrasound.  There is something about seeing that little beating heart that eases my mind and my nerves. 

I was looking back on really old posts the other day.  I realized that with my first surro experience, I talked a lot more about what I was feeling.  This time, I almost feel like I'm just relating the experiences as they come along.  Not better or worse, just different.  But I thought maybe I'd share some feelings this post....

When we got that first round of betas back, all the way back in November, I knew that something wasn't right.  Not that something was wrong, but just that it wasn't right.  I didn't know where the pregnancy was going or what the outcome would be but it just didn't feel like any of the other pregnancies I had had.  I tried to stay upbeat and positive, but a lot of days it was hard.  I never wanted to show my doubts to Seth and Johnny because I didn't want them to worry.  We were all focusing on a positive outcome and hoping with all our might.  But in the end, I wasn't very surprised when the pregnancy didn't make it.  They say that many, many women can tell when something is not right with their pregnancies- even before anything happens or is confirmed.  I never really made any plans for the spring or summer based on where I would be in my pregnancy, never got out the early embryonic pictures to look at with the kids, or hunted down an app for my phone that talked about fetal development and "what's happening this week".  I didn't even know exactly what our due date was going to be until a couple weeks after our transfer.  It wasn't that I didn't want to do these things- it was just that doing those things didn't feel right.  I kept telling myself it was "too soon". 

Fast forward to now.  Even though we have proof positive that our betas are in a healthier place, I've just felt better about this pregnancy from the beginning.  My body is telling me that things are going on in there.  My heart is quiet and happy.  We're 5 weeks in, and I've hunted down that fetal development app, and looked to see how pregnant I will be on birthdays, and during the time I took off this summer.  I haven't looked at the embryo pictures with the kids, but they haven't asked about them either...  ;)  I feel like telling more people that I'm pregnant again (even though I won't.  I still have a strong desire to keep it quiet at work).  I'm already thinking about what I'm going to wear later this summer and appreciating that I'm not going to have to dress in layers while pregnant until close to the very end!

There are ups and downs in every pregnancy, and no pregnancy is "picture perfect".  I just feel in my heart that we are on the right track this time, and that we are going to make it through those scary first weeks (and that scary first trimester) this time.  My fingers are crossed as I say this though, because I never, never want to tempt fate!!!