And here we go!!!

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound!!!  It was weird not being able to share the results with B&G immediately, but there is a huge time difference between us.  They had lots of interesting and fantastic messages to wake up to, though.....

Want to see what we saw?   Here it is!!!

TWINS!!!! 

This will be a new adventure for us....  I'm pretty excited, and so is everyone else.  I'm really curious to see how this pregnancy progresses compared to a singleton pregnancy. 

It seems that I am REALLY pregnant

So, my day 8 and 10 betas were really good.  My 20 day beta draw was this week (it was actually a 21 day), and I was hoping for big numbers.  My 19 day beta with my last singleton pregnancy was just over 5,000.  I was pretty curious to see what it would be this time, given my higher day 8 and 10 numbers. 

On the FB page I share with  other surros in my agency, we post what our betas are.  Everyone's are different, and there isn't an official range of numbers for singletons, twins, etc- but it's fun to compare to see if we can get an idea of what is going on "in there".  It seems that most of the ladies that end up carrying multiples have betas in the ten thousands range- some are higher and some are lower, but that seems a pretty good indicator. 

My 20 day beta was 22,220.  That's right....  Twenty two thousand two hundred and twenty.  I'm now dying for our first ultrasound!!!
Carrying multiples is an adventure I haven't had yet, but I'm up for it!  Plus, how awesome would it be for B&G to have two babies in one pregnancy???  And yes, I know the risk of multiples.  But I almost think that my last pregnancy may have prepared me to carry twins.  Levi was just under 10 pounds, and there had to have been 2 gallons of fluid in there (really, it was flowing over the sides of the bed when my water broke).  If the math follows, I should be able to carry TWO babies to at least 5 pounds each without much difficulty.  Plus, if there ARE two babies in there, I am going to go to a doctor that has a ton of experience with both surrogates and surrogate twin pregnancies. 

I'm starting to feel pregnant.  I've been light-headed this time around more than the others.  Not all the time, or super bad but noticeable.  I'm also starting to feel nauseated during the day.  It's not debilitating, and I hope it doesn't get that way!  We'll see, though....  I would like to avoid taking meds for nausea.  I've never needed them in the past, and I'd like to not take them this time.  It will be interesting to see what I can and can't eat this time around.....

Until the ultrasound....

I want to say that my uterus is magical....

.... but I don't want to jinx things!

Being superstitious, I don't like to talk about good things too soon.  But I'm pretty excited that we are officially pregnant!!!

My little uterus has done it's job again, and we have positive betas!!!  We also had positive hpts, but I didn't want to post anything before it was "official".

So, here are the stats!!!

Beta #1, 8 days post 5 day transfer................................178
Beta #2, 10 days post 5 day transfer..............................375

We were looking for the second number to be at least double of the first, and there we are!
We'll have a third draw on/ around Day 20 just to confirm that my betas are rising, and after that is our first ultrasound!!!

I love seeing those lines get darker!!!

I'm feeling pretty normal still.  No nausea (yet), and that can take its sweet time getting here!  I've been STARVING the last few days, and though Chris assures me it's normal for me, I don't remember being this hungry with the others.  My skin is getting itchy, which is a weird pregnancy thing for me- but it should get better (for awhile) soon.  Getting some heartburn, but I've had that more and more in-between pregnancy, too, so I'm not too surprised about that. 

We're just SO excited for B&G!!!

The eternal question when waiting for Beta draws.....

....  do I take a home pregnancy test (hpt) or just wait for the blood draws???


I take a hpt, silly!!!  But the bigger question for some carriers is when to take that test.  I know some gals that have tested at 4 days post transfer, but that's pretty early to get a positive.  I usually make myself wait until about 7 days post transfer- and sometimes that coincides with a blood draw.  This time, our blood draws are going to be on Day 8 and Day 10.  I like having a positive home test (or a negative one, too...), so waiting for the blood results doesn't consume my entire being.  Tomorrow is Day 7 post transfer....

At this point, I'm still feeling pretty normal.  I have a close friend who has been a gestational carrier, too.  She checks on me almost daily, and 2 nights ago I was lamenting to her that I feel totally normal.  She reminded me that I said the exact same thing to her at the same point last time, and I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy.  I'm glad she reminded me, because I didn't remember!!!  I'm still having some occasional cramping- which has always been a good sign in the past, and I'm starting to get a little achy in a couple of other key areas.  I'm actually dying to see what my blood results are.  ;)

In other news, I've been off work for the last 12 days.  I took a little staycation to coincide with the transfer, and have enjoyed every moment of it.  Tonight, it's back to work and back to a more normal routine for me.  So, I'm going to have a lazy day and enjoy every last second until I have to head back to the hospital tonight. 

Just passing time

Day three of bedrest....

I finally moved down to the couch today!!!  Some people say that having three days of nothing to do but hang out in bed must be fantastic....  Well.  It is unless you HAVE to.

Our transfer on Monday went well.  Well, after our lawyer got all HER ducks in a row.  She seemed to think that she didn't have all the necessary paperwork in place.  She did- she just didn't know it.  Talk about a stressful beginning to the morning.  But, the clinic gave me my Valium in the middle of all that, so I didn't really care after awhile....  ;)  The Valium didn't make me quite as sleepy as it normally does- though Chris did point out that I was talking with my hands much more than usual.  B & G have some awesome looking embryos, and we transferred two of them in.  Fingers crossed that they both stick!!!

After the transfer, it was straight home and straight to bed.  I took a nap, watched some TV, and then watched more TV, then went to bed. 

Day two post transfer was pretty much the same.  It's not the easiest thing in the world to lay down for days at a time though!!!  I managed to get pretty creative with the pillows, and that helps.  Toward the end of the day, I started to get a little restless, and started to get a headache- I'm being really good and having zero caffeine.  And I quit cold turkey- ouch!!!  Chris made me a yummy dinner, and then it was time to sleep again.  Oh, and I had a couple pretty awesome (lazy) bed companions, too.  Our siberian huskies did their best to keep me company. 

And now, Day 3. 
The bed was killing my lower back and hips, so I moved to the couch today.  Lots of water to try and offset the lack of caffeine, but I still couldn't kick the headache.  Maybe tomorrow.  I've been feeling crampy on and off since Monday night, and that has been a good sign in the past.  I find myself NOT doing any of the things I said I was going to during my three days of "freedom"- also how that usually goes.  Like tonight...  I'm supposed to be catching up on a new show that I've wanted to watch.  Instead, I'm watching back and forth between The Terminator, and Aliens....  Good ol' 80s movies. 

As always, the waiting is the worst part.  I hate that there is nothing I can do to guarantee that those two little embies are going to stick and grow.  We indulged in all our pre-transfer superstitions, we've visualized, meditated, crossed fingers, toes, and eyeballs.  I'm talking my meds religiously and trying to stay busy- so the time won't drag before our blood draws.  But in the end, all we can do is wait...

Surrogacy reflections and another new beginning...

People ask all the time what made me want to be a gestational carrier.  The truth?  I don't know!  I feel like it has always been something I wanted to do.  I can't pinpoint an exact time or event that impressed upon me YES!!! this is something that I want to do!  Obviously I heard about it somewhere from someone....  But it has always been something that has been a part of my heart- even before Chris and I had children.  After our first was born, I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I was glad my pregnancy had gone well- that meant that being a gestational carrier was an actual possibility.  I feel like there's not a lot of magic left in our world, and I love magic.  I think I love pregnancy and childbirth so much because it IS magic.  You put two tiny cells together, and by some unseen miracle they fuse to make a third, completely independent being.  Then that being grows from a microscopic cluster of cells to an entire infant human being- inside ME! Then, at the moment of birth, when one complete entity separates to become two independently living, breathing people???  Pure magic.  Being a gestational carrier allows me to be a part of that magic again and again.  Not to mention the part about helping a couple grow into a family....

It's been five years since our family embarked on our surrogacy journey. In the beginning, we were matched with a lovely couple from Germany who taught us how the beginning of the process works.  We learned how being matched is like having that really awkward blind date- with a lot more riding on the deal than whether or not we all liked the restaurant.  We learned that you fall in love really fast, and bond SO quickly around the idea of bringing new life into the world.  Then we learned about the heartbreak of being told (by a doctor) that I wasn't good enough after all to carry someone else's baby.  The loss of hope I had of ever fulfilling one of my life's dreams. 

About a year later, the rekindling of that hope, when I met a woman who owned a surrogacy agency in town.  Rekindling that hope after finding out that the doctor that screened me before was one of the strictest in the country- and three doctors and the IVF clinic here cleared me.  Then being matched with Jason. 

Our journey with Jason taught us how a pretty much perfect experience can go.  Meds and appointments, travel and a transfer.  A positive pregnancy test 7 days after, with an ultrasound showing one perfect heartbeat.  Not all roads are totally smooth, though, and we had a scary weekend with some bleeding- then a diagnosed subchorionic bleed.  The rest of the pregnancy was a dream, and before we knew it my water broke at 38 weeks and 4 days.  Baby M joined her family, and I knew this was something I had to do again.  It was incredible. 

Our journey with Seth and Johnny taught us how we only grow stronger through trials together.  Our match was perfect from the beginning, and I knew it was going to be smooth sailing the entire way through.  When our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks, I was devastated.  These wonderful men had placed all their hopes and dreams for a child in MY hands (uterus), and I had failed.  That wasn't supposed to happen!  But we stuck with each other, talked often, and grew together.  Our second transfer was a success- with that one perfect heartbeat again.  Baby L was born after 39 weeks and 3 days, an uncomplicated pregnancy, and a difficult delivery.  Hours later, I remember thinking that as difficult as that delivery was, I would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Now, we have been matched with a fantastic couple from Australia!  Maybe this time, we will learn how a journey with twins will be....!!!  Even though we are pretty much surrogacy pros by now, it doesn't diminish the excitement we feel.  Chris and I love meeting our new prospective match, the getting to know each other part, and the excitement leading up to our transfer.  I'll be on pins and needles for the week after transfer, just praying that I can text that coveted picture of a pregnancy test with TWO pink lines to two new daddies-to-be.  That we can provide another uncomplicated pregnancy, a smooth delivery, and most importantly the realization of B & G's dream for a family. 

Here's to another new beginning!!!

Saying Goodbye

It never ceases to amaze me how fast the time goes.  It's been a year and a half since we first started talking with Johnny and Seth.  In that time we've had three visits, on both sides of the country, 2 IVF transfers, one miscarriage, and the birth of one incredible boy.  Yet it seems like we just started contemplating our whole journey!

I had my court appointment yesterday to terminate my parental rights to Levi.  In the state where we live, this is the final step of the surrogacy process.  So, Journey #2 is officially over.  I've said it before... At the beginning of the whole process, I feel like the birth of a child is that almost unattainable goal at the end of a long tunnel with no end in sight.  The first stages are full of appointments, and medications, and anxiety, and hope.  Then the pregnancy itself is 9 whole months! That should take for.ev.er to pass, right?  Well, it really doesn't.....  I can't believe it is December, and that Levi is here, that I'm not pregnant any more.  It goes SO fast looking back on everything.  Which is why I try my hardest to pay attention to, and cherish, every moment.

I've been blessed with two incredible families to carry for.  I say that my second journey is "over", but I know that that really isn't the case.  The legal processes are done, and Levi is here and settled with his family, but this is not "the end" for us.  Chris, our kids, and I have been accepted into the hearts and lives of two amazing families.  Our family has expanded to include everyone as well.  At the risk of sounding really mushy and cliche, surrogacy has brought us so much more than two beautiful children.

I feel peaceful after this second journey.  It took me a few days to put my finger on the right word for my feelings, but I settled on peaceful.  It's been almost two weeks since Levi was born.  He came early on a Monday morning, and left for home with his family Thursday afternoon.  In the three days after his delivery, I was able to spend as much time as I wanted with Levi- and S&J.  They allowed me the things that are important to me after delivery- time being the biggest one.  I was able to feed Levi, change him, snuggle him, and show him off to my friends and family.  The last night we were in the hospital, Seth and Johnny got one last night of baby-free sleep at their hotel, gifting me with uninterrupted time with Levi.  Between Wednesday afternoon and Thursday afternoon I think we packed in a week's worth of visits- pictures, food, messages, and being together, our family and theirs.  And then it was time for them to take Levi home.

The goodbyes are always hard.  Our family "grew" this beautiful baby for 39.3 weeks.  I carried him with love, the same way that I carried my own babies.  I was more prepared for the emotions this time- the love that I felt for this child that wasn't mine, the inevitable separation when it was time for me to step back from being the care giver and turning that role over to his parents, the bittersweet of our last "see you soon, and this is NOT goodbye" at the hotel on Thursday morning....  Our experience with Jason and Mia prepared me for all that.  But it still sucked (lol).  Suddenly, Chris and I wished we lived a whole lot closer to the East coast- or that everyone would move out our way!

I say I'm peaceful because settling back into our "normal" routines at home was easier this time.  I think it's because we have done this before.  After Mia went home, I struggled a little bit with not having a baby to care for.  Chris and I were used to bringing home that new little bundle from the hospital and having our world turned upside down for awhile.  And here I was, newly delivered, with no baby at home.  For about a week, I felt as though something was missing.  After Seth and Johnny took Levi home, I expected to feel the same way; I watched for it, prepared to tell everyone I was doing okay- but maybe lying just a little.  But that missing feeling never came, and it still hasn't.  I am perfectly content with my little family here, getting back to "normal", and enjoying my time off from work.  I talk to S&J at least once a day right now, and love getting their updates- or just chatting like we did before Levi was here.

It helps knowing that these people are a part of our lives now.  I won't ever have to wonder how Mia and Levi are doing, how they are growing, if they are loved.  Even if our contact tapers off, I know that we'll still be included in milestone moments and life's big events.  Chris, and the kids, and I may be that branch of crazy family that lives really far away, but we will still be family.  Who knew when we started down the surrogacy path all those years ago that our lives would be enriched in so many ways?  These experiences have turned into so much more than I ever expected them to be, and I am grateful for every moment- all the ups and the downs.

So, it's come to that time again.  Time to say goodbye to another surrogacy journey, time to say goodbye to my surro blog.  Already, my friends are asking me "Do you think you'll do this again???".  And my answer is "Well, it's just too soon to tell".  I already miss being pregnant- there is something truly magical about growing another life inside you, and feeling that little person start to move and grow.  Bringing new life into the world is one of the most amazing, special feelings... And even after a difficult delivery, I can look back and say I would do it all over again.  So who knows?  Maybe in a couple years, I can revisit this blog and share another journey with you.  We'll just have to wait and see.